In most Western countries, almost half the marriages end in a divorce. You might think, that this high divorce rate only applies to the marriages of unbelievers, but unfortunately, that’s not true. Many Christian marriages end in divorce. What is the reason why so many Christians divorce? What does the Bible say about divorce? Because Christians can have opinions about divorce and decide to divorce their spouse, but that’s not what matters. What matters is, how God feels about divorce. Does God approve of divorce and may Christians divorce their spouse or is divorce a sin. When may a Christian divorce?
Who is the new creation?
When you are a born-again Christian, it means that you have become a new creation in Christ. You are no longer the old creation, but the new creation. You are born of God and have the Holy Spirit abiding in you. In Christ, you have laid down the sinful nature that is present in the flesh and reigned in your life.
Through regeneration in Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, you have God’s nature. It’s no longer about you and your carnal will, but it’s about God and the will of the Spirit.
By the blood of Jesus, you have been reconciled with God and transferred from the power of darkness into the Kingdom of God, where Jesus Christ is King and reigns (Colossians 1:13-14).
Although you live in the world, you are no longer of the world. You don’t belong to the world and the ruler of the world anymore. You are no longer a son of the devil. But you are son of God (this applies to both males and females).
The old creation doesn’t live anymore
Before you became born again, you were the old creation. You were carnal and lived from a fallen state in bondage of the devil after the will of the corrupt flesh. The devil was the ruler of your life and you served him by living after the flesh in sin.
All the characteristics of the devil were present from birth in you (in your sinful flesh). Like selfishness, haughtiness, pride, a desire to be worshipped and exalted by others, impatience, angriness, agitation, jealousy, envy, fear, hate, evil speaking (killing others with your words), lying, etc.
But this behavior changed when you became a new creation. When your flesh (with its evil nature) died in Christ, your spirit raised from the dead and you received the Holy Spirit from God.
Through this spiritual transformation, your nature changed.
You no longer lived from the Adamic fallen nature with its evil character, but from your new godly nature with a righteous and holy character.
You shall love God and therefore believe His words and keep His words and commandments.
And you shall love your neighbour as yourself. About the latter one is a lot of misconception. If you would like to know what it means to love your neighbour as yourself, you can read the following article: What does it mean to love your neighbour as yourself?).
It’s not about you but about Him
If you are born again, it’s no longer about you but about Him. It’s no longer about, what you want, but what God wants. Because your ‘self’ is crucified with Christ, the flesh is buried in Him through baptism. You no longer live, but Christ lives in you.
It’s also no longer about your opinion and findings, but how God feels about matters. Therefore, it’s about what the Bible says, since the Bible is the Word of God.
If Christians would all die to ‘self’, and begin to live after the Spirit, doing what the Word says, then there would be unity in the Body of Christ. There would not only be unity in the Church (the Body of Christ), but there would also be unity in marriage and unity in the family.
So, if there is so much disharmony among the children of God, we can conclude that the ‘self’ has not died yet. Everyone still has their own opinions, doing their will, going their way, instead of having God’s opinion, doing God’s will, and going God’s way. (Read also: ‘Not my opinion, but His opinion’)
Now with all this in mind, let’s have a look at the subject of divorce in the Bible. Let’s have a look at what kind of excuses Christians use to get a divorce, as opposed to what the Scriptures in the Bible say about divorce. What does the Bible say about divorce and under what conditions may a Christian divorce?
‘Don’t be so old-fashioned, divorce is part of this age!’
This is a big lie of the devil. During all ages, divorces were part of humanity. People divorced before and during the time of Moses, during the time of Jesus, and during the time of the apostles. Moses, Jesus, and also Paul, and Peter talked about marriage and divorce in the Bible.
What we do see, is that we live at the end of the last days. We see a rapid increase of sin and iniquity. People, including people who call themselves Christians, are rebellious. They don’t want to be told what to do. They do what they want to do and live according to their own will, (sexual) lusts and desires instead of the Word of God.
The Bible is no longer the highest authority in their life. Therefore they don’t live after the Word of God anymore and don’t do His will.
Their love for themselves and the world is greater than their love for God. Because if they would love God, as Jesus loved God, and love Jesus, then they would obey His words. They would keep His commandments and live according to His will.
What did Jesus say in the Bible about the reason why Christians divorce?
Why do so many Christians divorce? To answer this question, we must go to Jesus. Because Jesus gave the reason why people divorce. When the people spoke with Jesus and tried to justify divorce by addressing Moses and his letters of divorce, Jesus didn’t approve of divorce and didn’t justify sin. But Jesus said the following about divorce:
Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so (Matthew 19:8)
Here we have the reason why Christians divorce. If Christians want to divorce, Jesus says, that the cause of the divorce is the hardness of their heart.
The reason why Christians divorce is the hardness of their heart
When we look at the translation of hardness of the heart, we see that the Greek word is ‘sklērokardía‘ (G4641 Strong’s concordance) and means: hard-heartedness, i.e. (especially), destitution of (spiritual) perception:—hardness of heart.
In the Old Covenant, the people were carnal and trapped in their sinful flesh. Although the children of Israel were circumcised in their flesh, many were not circumcised in their heart. Their heart was not converted. Therefore they lived after their own will and lusts and desires of the flesh.
They didn’t want to submit to the will of God and keep His commandments and ordinances that are written in the Law of Moses. But they wanted to live after their own will, fulfilling the lusts and desires of their (evil) heart.
The hardness of the heart means spiritual poverty. If the Spirit doesn’t reign in someone’s life, the flesh reigns. If the flesh reigns in the lives of Christians, then they are spiritually poor and shall not be able to perceive the things of the Spirit. They are carnal and bear the fruit of the flesh (works of the flesh), instead of the fruit of the Spirit.
The ‘yes, but’ List to justify divorce
“But my husband isn’t a believer, and my life is so hard. I’m not sure how long I can take this”
The Bible says, that by the woman’s walk; by her way of living and behaviour, the unbelieving husband will be won for Jesus. (Read also: How to convert your unbelieving spouse).
Therefore if your unbelieving husband is not converted yet, then he is not the only one, who is responsible and the cause of all your disagreements and fights. But maybe it’s also because of your behavior and your walk. What kind of fruit do you produce?
You may have another opinion or experience, but the Bible is the truth and goes beyond your opinions and experience(s).
Are you going through a rough time? Then (re)turn to the Word of God, read and study His words, so that you get to know the will of God, and obey the words of God. Remember that the Lord said, that His commandments are not heavy at all.
God’s Word encourages you and gives you power, peace, and joy. The Lord Jesus said, I give you peace”. Jesus didn’t say, I give you anxiety or depression.
The more time you spend in the Word, renew your mind, and do what the Bible tells you to do, the more Jesus becomes visible in your life and your spouse will be drawn to Him and repent. Because the Bible says that by your walk; your behavior, your unbelieving husband shall be won for Jesus.
“Yes, but my pastor approves divorce”
A pastor should be an ambassador of the Kingdom of God, speak the words of God, keep the laws of the Kingdom, represent the will of God, and live a life like Jesus. This means, that a pastor should know the Word, obey the Word, and be a doer of the Word. (Read also: ‘The hearers versus the doers‘).
A pastor should always submit to the Word and stay faithful to the Word of God. A pastor should represent and preach the Word of God to the people. Because it’s not about what the pastor wants. It’s not about the pastor’s opinion, findings, etc. either. But it’s all about what God wants and what God’s will is regarding divorce. What does the Bible say about divorce?
A born-again Christian shall never approve of divorce, just like Jesus. Because a born-again Christian shall always stay obedient to the Word of God and represent and do the will of God.
So, if your pastor gave you his approval to get a divorce and the reason is not fornication or that your unbelieving spouse has left you, then my question to you is: “Who do you obey? Your pastor or God?
“Yes, but my pastor is also divorced”
Unfortunately, many pastors are divorced. Some pastors have even been remarried and divorced multiple times and still preach from the pulpit. How is that possible? It’s possible because they’re charismatic eloquent speakers and/or have inherited their pastor’s office from their family or … (fill out the blanks).
But this sinful behavior shows that the fallen pastor is carnal and walks after the flesh. Because divorce is a work of the flesh. The pastor prefers doing his will, fulfilling his carnal lusts and desires instead of submitting to Jesus, crucifying his lusts and desires, and walking after the Spirit, doing the will of the Father.
Instead of reigning over sin and death walking after the Spirit in holiness, being a worker of righteousness, the pastor lives in the bondage of sin. The pastor is a worker of iniquity and controlled by a spirit of divorce and serves sin and death by obeying this spirit of divorce,
People may say, “God forgives”. And of course, God forgives, if someone truly repents of his sins. But first of all, many times this isn’t the case. It happens many times when a fallen pastor is reinstated that after a while, the pastor commits the same sin again.
Secondly, the Bible nowhere commands to reinstate a fallen pastor in the office of a pastor after the pastor willfully sinned. On the contrary, the Bible is very clear about this. (Read also: ‘Lay hands on no one suddenly’)
If the pastor willfully sins, how can the pastor be an example to the believers and discipline, correct and tell believers to repent and remove the sins from their lives? Exactly, the pastor can’t, because he keeps sinning too. People will say, “How can you forbid me from doing that, you have done that too.”
“Yes, but I have received a word from God; God told me to divorce my spouse. God approved and instructed me to get a divorce”
Some people receive a word, dream, vision, or prophecy about their spouse, in which God tells them, that their marriage is not God’s will and that God told them to get a divorce, so that they can wholeheartedly serve God.
If you have received a similar word, then you can reject that word immediately!
It’s unbelievable, how many Christians receive these words and truly believe that it’s coming from God.
This can’t be a word, dream, vision, or prophecy from God, because God can’t contradict Himself.
In Malachi 2:16, God says that He hates divorce. If God hates divorce, how can God command you to divorce your spouse or approve of your divorce? That’s impossible!
The Holy Spirit and the Word always cooperate. They can’t contradict Each Other.
When you have received a word or a dream, vision, prophecy, etc, that is not in agreement with the Bible, you must always reject it. No matter how wonderful and promising the word, dream vision, or prophecy may be.
If it contradicts the Bible, then it didn’t come from God, but from the angel of light (the devil), who tried to lead you into temptation and caused you to sin against God.
Under what conditions may a Christian divorce according to the Bible?
There are two Biblical grounds for divorce. The first Biblical ground for divorce is fornication. The Bible says, when a man (or woman) commits fornication, then the spouse has a right to get a divorce.
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Matthew 5:32).
The second Biblical ground for divorce is when the unbelieving spouse leaves the believing spouse.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:15)
So, the two Biblical grounds for a Christian to divorce are when the spouse commits fornication or when the unbelieving spouse leaves him or her.
What does the Bible say about divorce?
What does the Bible say about divorce? First of all, you must know that when you get married, you are in a marriage covenant. Every covenant is instituted by God and is holy to God. Just like we entered a covenant with God and live in the New Covenant, by faith and regeneration in Jesus Christ, a man and a woman entered a marriage covenant and live in a marriage covenant.
This marriage covenant ends when one of the two dies (1 Corinthians 7:39, Romans 7:1-3).
Now et’s have a look at some verses in the Bible about divorce. Let’s look at what God says about divorce and what Jesus says about divorce.
Thou shalt not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14)
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously (Malachi 2:15-16)
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery (Matthew 5:31-32)
‘What God has joined together, let no man put asunder’
Jesus answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery (Matthew 19:4-9)
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mark 10:9)
Paul wrote to the church of Corinth the following:
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
Is divorce the will of God according to the Bible?
Is divorce the will of God? We can conclude from the Scriptures in the Bible that divorce is not the will of God. God hates divorce! Divorce is a sin, it’s a work of the flesh. If God hates divorce and we are His children and have His nature, shouldn’t we hate divorce too?
As sons and daughters of God, it’s not about our findings, opinions, what we want, and the world’s findings and opinions. But it’s about what God wants. God has bought us with the precious blood of Jesus Christ. We belong to God. He is our Lord and we should live according to His will. It is therefore impossible, as a son or daughter of God to get a divorce.
If you are thinking about a divorce or if you are in the process of a divorce, you may ask yourself the following question:
Are you really born again, and do you love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength? Do you serve God and please the Spirit? Or do you love yourself and do you serve yourself and please (the will and feelings of) your flesh?
If you are born again and really love God and serve God you should know His Word.
You should renew your mind with the Word of God and apply His words in your life, so that you become a doer of the Word and show God that you love Him. Because if you love Him, you shall keep His commandments. (Read also: ‘The hearers vs the doers‘).
If you don’t study His Word and live after your flesh doing your will and being led by your feelings, opinions, and findings, then you are equal to a runaway boat without a rudder.
What is God’s will in marriage according to the Bible?
No one forces you to do God’s will. You have made Jesus Christ your Savior and the Lord over your life. You have chosen to serve Jesus. If you have decided to serve Jesus, then that means, that you should really serve Jesus and do His will instead of serving yourself and doing your will.
Doing God’s will in marriage means, that you will serve one another. It’s not about receiving but giving.
Jesus commanded to love your neighbour as yourself. In marriage, this means, that you should love your spouse as yourself. How do you do that? You treat your spouse, the way you want to be treated. It means that you don’t mistreat your spouse, by lying to your spouse, cheating on your spouse, mentally or physically abusing your spouse, etc.
When you submit to God and His Word, start loving your spouse and don’t think about yourself, you will see that your marriage and your life will change.
‘Be the salt of the earth’
