The story of Amnon and Tamar in 2 Samuel 13 is an example of how quickly love turns to hate. We read about Amnon, the son of David, who was sick of love for his sister Tamar. Amnon really admired and loved Tamar, but Amnon was not able to fulfill that love. Because it was not permitted. He could not have Tamar and therefore he was vexed and sick of his love for Tamar. Day in and day out, Amnon was overwhelmed by these feelings and he was not able to fulfill his feelings.
His friend and nephew Jonadab noticed that Amnon was lean and asked Amnon about it. Amnon told Jonadab the whole story.
Amnon listened to his friend instead of God
Instead of Jonadab saying, “yes Amnon, I can imagine that this is hard for you, but you have to resist these feelings, because it is not right to give in to these feelings and sin”, Jonadab said to Amnon, that he had a great idea to get Tamar and fulfill his feelings.
Jonadab told Amnon, that he had to pretend that he was sick, and ask his father if his sister Tamar could come and when she would come, he would send everyone away and take her.
Instead of Amnon saying, that he could not do it, Amnon did the stupidest thing, namely to give ear to Jonadab’s idea and carry out Jonadab’s plan.
How love turns to hate
And so Amnon carried out Jonadab’s plan and pretended he was sick. Amnon asked his father king David if Tamar could come and make for him a couple of cakes. David sent Tamar to Amnon and Tamar made cakes in his sight.
When Tamar was ready and wanted to give Amnon the cakes to eat, Amnon sent everyone, who was in the room, away and asked Tamar to come to the camber, that he may eat from her hand.
When Amnon was alone with Tamar, Amnon took hold of her and asked Tamar to lay with him, Tamar refused and asked Amnon not to force her. But Amnon did not accept her refusal and so, Amnon forced Tamar to lay down with him. After Amnon laid down with Tamar, Amnon began to hate Tamar and send her away.
After Amnon laid down with Tamar, his feelings of love and lust were not so strong anymore, but his feelings of love and lust were changed into feelings of hate. This example shows us, how love turns to hate so easily.
To make a long story short, Absalom, the brother of Tamar took Tamar into his house and heard what happened and after two years Absalom killed Amnon. Well, Absalom didn’t actually kill Amnon, but Absalom gave the commandment to his servants and his servants obeyed Absalom and killed Amnon.
What can we learn from the story of Amnon and Tamar?
Amnon was overwhelmed by feelings of love, which were actually carnal feelings of lust towards Tamar. He knew that it was forbidden to lay down with her.
Amnon knew God’s will in this matter, Amnon knew His law. Instead of staying obedient to God and His will and recognize that these carnal feelings were wrong and resisted these feelings by taking authority over them and move on, Amnon allowed these feelings in his life and as a result, these feelings were getting stronger and stronger.
Eventually, these feelings were so strong, that Amnon was tortured by these feelings; he was vexed and sick.
Amnon was weak and in his weakness, Amnon listened to the plan of his close friend. His friend’s advice and his plan caused him to sin. Yes, Amnon was trapped into sin.
Amnon lied to his father and to the others, in order to get what he wanted. He answered his carnal feelings of love and lust.
But after Amnon sinned, his deceptive feelings of love were gone and changed into hate. By giving in to his carnal feelings of lust and sin, hate entered his life and finally death. The outcome was different than Amnon expected.
Not all feelings are good feelings
We are humans and have feelings. But not all feelings are good. It is important as believers of Jesus Christ, to discern these feelings. Sometimes we can be led by greed, lust, jealousy, fear, anxiety, love for money, etc, but these are all carnal feelings.
If certain feelings do not line up with the Word, even if they look good in the natural realm, then they are not good and are carnal feelings.
We must recognize these feelings, by knowing the Word of God and know God’s will in every matter of our lives. We should not allow carnal feelings to rule over us, but we should rule over them. God has created us and He knows what is good for us, that’s why God gave us His precepts in His Word.
The feeling of greed
Let’s say, that you have seen an electronic device, videogame, a pair of shoes or …, that you really like. You don’t need it, but you want it. You look at it over and over again. The more you look at it, the more you want to have it. Without knowing you, sow to the flesh.
It starts to control your mind and you think about it day and night. Eventually, you give in and decide to buy it. Maybe you can effort it or maybe you can’t. Let’s say, in this case, that you don’t have enough money and you can’t effort it. Therefore, you shouldn’t buy it.
But when the feeling of greed, which is a wrong carnal feeling, is so strong, that it controls your life, instead of saying no, you decide you have to get it, no matter what. Even if you have to borrow money from people or the bank. And that’s exactly what you do.
You lent the money from the bank or pay with your credit card and get into debt. You go to the store and buy that electronic device or the pair of shoes.
What you sow you will reap
You’re so happy and so excited, but then you come home, and reality sets in. How do you feel after you bought it? Are you still happy and excited? Or do you feel miserable and maybe guilty? Why is that? Because you have fulfilled your carnal feeling of greed. You have obeyed your carnal feeling. You have sown in your flesh and therefore you will reap the fruit of the flesh.
It’s not wrong to buy something. But it’s about the motive. Do you buy something because you need it? Or do you buy something out of greed?
Infidelity
Adultery is another example, which not only takes place among unbelievers, but also among believers. Let’s say, that you work closely with a colleague at work. The more you work with your colleague, the better you get to know him or her. Suddenly, feelings of lust; feelings of ‘love’ for that person, who isn’t your spouse, arises. These feelings are not right, because they are carnal feelings, which will lead to sin.
At first, you might think that these feelings are innocent and not harmful at all. But then you start noticing that you think about your colleague more than you should. The thoughts about your colleague and the feelings you have for your colleague start to control your mind.
You think a lot about your colleague and are not able to get him or her out of your mind. What happens if a situation arises and you will be tempted? What happens, when you are alone with your colleague and your colleague also shows affection towards you? Do you respond and give in to it and commit adultery?
As soon as you obey and respond to your carnal feelings and commit adultery, then feelings of guilt, hate, sorrow, sadness, etc will overwhelm you and your action can lead to divorce (Read also: ‘What does the Bible say about divorce?‘)
If you are led by carnal feelings and obey them and fulfill them, then you will reap the opposite carnal feeling.
Amnon had wrong feelings of love. When Amnon fulfilled those carnal feelings he sinned and his feelings of love turned to hate. You see, how quickly love turns to hate. And eventually, his sin led to death.
Let us learn from this story and not make the same mistake. Don’t let love turns to hate, but recognize these carnal feelings in time.
How can you resist carnal feelings and emotions?
How can you resist carnal feelings and emotions and how do you prevent yourself from being led by your flesh; your feelings, emotions, etc.? Well, the answer is quite simple: by feeding your spiritual man with the Word of God and walk after the Spirit. Read and listen to His Word and obey His Word and apply His words and His commandments in your life and become a doer of the Word (Read also: ‘The hearers vs the doers‘).
The more you feed yourself with the Word of God, the more you sow into your spirit man.
The more you sow into your spirit man, the stronger your spirit man will become and the weaker the flesh will become.
You shall grow up as a son of God, who is controlled by the spirit instead of the flesh.
The Bible has the answer for every problem. Therefore, when you struggle in a certain area or with certain feelings and emotions, look up the Scriptures and find out what God has to say about it.
Write the Scriptures down on a piece of paper and renew your mind with the words of God. Meditate on the words of God instead of your problem, feelings and emotions and you will notice, that eventually the problem and those feelings en emotions, you struggle with, will disappear.
Speak to your feelings and emotions, take authority over them and command them to leave instead of begging God to take those feelings away. Take the Word, because that’s your Sword in the spiritual warfare.
You have been given all authority in Jesus Christ and power by the Holy Spirit, to rule over those feelings and emotions.
When you walk after the Spirit and after the Word, you will not fulfill the desires and lusts of your flesh (Galatians 5:16).
Read also: ‘Take authority over your thoughts, before they take authority over you‘
‘Be the salt of the earth’
