There are a many Christians, who are single. Some singles Christians have purposely chosen to stay single, but there are other single Christians, who are longing for a partner and can’t wait to meet his or her future spouse. Some are waiting so long for the right partner that hey have become frustrated and sometimes are angry with God. They suffer and ask why God is not giving them a spouse. This article is about the promise of a partner, the importance of waiting for the right partner and what to do while you are waiting for the right partner.
The promise of a partner
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:18-24)
The previous article was about waiting for God’s promise. Abraham had to wait 25 years before God’s promise became to pass. After 25 years of waiting, God gave Abraham a son: Isaac. Abraham received God’s promise despite the long period of time of waiting. But we live in an age where people are not willing to wait. They want things done yesterday. But we must know that time is different with God than it is with man.
Many times, I hear and see the frustrations, pain and sufferings single Christians are going through, because they haven’t found the right partner yet and things don’t go according to their plan. They are so focused on the absence of a partner and are so occupied in their minds with finding the right partner, that they often miss out on the beauty of life. Their whole lives revolves around missing and finding a partner.
Sometimes it can become so severe, that they become depressed. It might even come to the point that they don’t want to live anymore.
They see themselves as failures. They lack self-confidence and constantly wonder, who wants a person like me? or what’s wrong with me? and think, see, I’m ugly, because nobody wants me.
The dreams and expectations in life
Not everyone finds his or her partner at the age of twenty. Maybe you have certain dreams and expectations about your life, but let me tell you, that not all these dreams and expectations will come true.
Trust God to provide the right partner
Sometimes God has another plan for your life. Therefore it’s important to trust God and put everything into His hands. Trust Him, that He will provide the right partner at the right time: His time. God doesn’t make mistakes. God knows who you are, He knows exactly what you need, and He knows when you are ready for a partner, or when your partner will be ready for you.
The fact that you don’’t have a partner, doesn’t mean that you are ugly. It doesn’t mean, that you are not fun to be around with, or that you are unwanted. No, absolutely not!
It’s just that God has another plan for your life, then you have for your life, that’s all.
And now it’s up to you. Do you accept His plan for your life, do you trust God completely and put everything in His hands and enter into His rest and wait? Or won’t you accept it, and do you take matters into your own hand and register yourself at various (online) dating sites, wedding agencies, and go to speed dating events, single events etc. to find a partner.
It is very dangerous to not wait and take matters into your own hands. How often do people marry the wrong person, just because they couldn’t wait for the right partner and took matters into their own hands. It’s no wonder that the divorce rate is so high and increases every year, even in Church. There is no difference anymore between de world and Christians, who together are the Church.
What is one of the main reason that people get a divorce? I think one of the mean reasons is that they make the wrong choice of partner, because they couldn’t wait.
Who wants to wait?
Most people take charge over their own lives and can’t wait for things to come to pass in their life. They have not laid their lives on God’s altar. They have not given up all of their dreams and expectations and are not fully devoted to Him. Therefore it often happens, that people get married too fast and many times, marry the wrong person.
They don’t inquire God about the person and don’t wait for His answer. All they want is to have a family; a wife or husband, children. As soon as they find someone, with whom they have some kind of connection with, they settle for that and get married. Especially when the biological clock starts ticking (according to the world).
A husband and wife are a union
Remember, that you and your future spouse will make a full rib case together. That’s why you will know, when you meet the right partner. There should be first a spiritual connection and then a carnal connection; a soulish connection and physical connection.
Too many times, people make decisions with their senses and chose a partner on bases of outward appearances and physical attraction.
There’s no doubt, that you can become attracted to more than one person in life, but these physical attractions are carnal and temporary and not spiritual and longlasting.
There is just one spiritual person especially made for you. And if you can wait on God, then God will give you the right partner at the right time.
How can you know for sure that God will give you a spouse? Because God’s Word says so. God formed all kinds of kettle and fowl of the air and gave it to Adam, but Adam couldn’t find for himself a help meet. Not until God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and as he slept God took Adam’s rib and made Eve out of Adam. Adam and Eve formed a union, they were one flesh.
When you find the right partner, you will also form a union and become one flesh. But you have to be patient.
“Don’t you romanticize this a bit?”
No, because Gods Word is true. I don’t look at experiences of people, but I look at what the Word of God says!
When we believe God’s Word and obey Him and live according to God’s Word and keep His commandments and trust Him completely, then the divorce rate in the church will turn to zero.
There will be no more talking about divorces, because divorce is part of the carnal man’s life, and not the spiritual man’s life.
God advices His people through His Word, but it is up to His people, if they want to follow up on His advice. Every person is responsible for his/her own decisions, deeds and actions. No one can blame God.
You are responsible for your own actions. Even the people around you are not responsible for your actions (decisions). So, don’t blame it on God, nor on the people around you.
What do you do in the meantime?
While you wait for the right partner to come, stay in Jesus; the Word. Know that His Spirit lives inside of you, and as long as you stay in Him and focus upon Him, instead of focusing on a partner, you will experience peace and joy. Yes, you will be patient, and have peace and joy, until the day comes, that God will give you a partner. How can you be loyal to a person, if you cannot be loyal to Jesus?
God is a jealous God and wants to spend time with you, because He loves you. He wants you to trust Him completely. He wants to mold you, so that you will be ready to meet your partner.
Therefore spend time with Him and build yourself up in the Word of God.
Keep your eyes unto Jesus, look at Him and don’t look at the lack of a partner. When you keep your eyes on the lack of a partner, you will become depressed.
As long as you keep on walking after the Spirit you will be fine. But as soon as you start walking after the flesh (carnal, and be led by your emotions, thoughts, senses etc.), you will get overwhelmed by negative emotions and thoughts.
Don’t look at your family, friends, acquaintances, who are ‘happily’ married, with jealousy. Because if you look at them, with jealousy, then the lack of a partner, and all kinds of negative feelings will arise in you.
So be happy for them and don’t be jealous.
To be single is not a bad thing at all
People make it such big deal, when someone is single. But being single is not bad at all. Unfortunately when you are single, people always assume that there is something wrong, or questioning your gender preferences, which is a shame, because they don’t know that through their behaviour or their remarks, they can hurt the person, who is single.
But don’t listen and pay attention to these remarks, because you know the truth. And let me tell you, that as a single person, you can have a great life, even if you reach 30. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you!
“But why must I wait? I know of so many people, who found their partner via internet. God can also provide a partner via internet.”
Of course He can! But will it be the partner that God has chosen for you, and set aside for you?
Why do we need God if we can do everything by ourselves?
I mean this; He is Jehovah Jireh, the God that provides. But if you decide that your waiting period should be over, and start going on the internet, searching for the right partner that you have in mind, then you actually don’t need Jehovah Jireh anymore, because you can take care of yourself. And indirectly you say to God, that you don’t trust Him for providing a partner.
Do you trust God? Do you believe that He can bring someone, out of the blue, on your path? If you really believe that, then stop trying to find a suitable partner for you and wait.
“But it is so hard to wait, I want to get married and start a family now”
You can make it so complicated and hard as you like. If you find it difficult and hard, then you are responsible for that, because you make it hard yourself, and not God.
When you became a Christian and became born again, you gave your life to Him. That means that He reigns over your life, not you anymore. That’s why you may rest in Him and wait… It is not about the quantity but the quality.
“I find it really hard to hear Gods voice, how do I know that I found the right partner?”
God will show you by His Spirit, if it is the right partner. There will be a spiritual connection; a click, because the rib came out of the rib cage. You will complete each other and will both have the same vision for life (God’s vision, born out of the Spirit).
Throughout your life you have seen and met so many ‘helpers’ (see Genesis 3:18), so when you meet the right partner you will know, just like Adam did. There will be a spiritual assurance within you.
When you meet someone and think it’s the right person, then spend as much time with him/her as possible (please note: I don’t mean living together!)
During the ‘getting to know each other’ time, don’t become (physically) intimate with each other, but get to know each other on a spiritual basis. Intimacy is something which belongs in marriage, and not outside marriage.
You will recognize the tree by its fruit
A good tree can’t produce bad fruit and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. Therefore, when you get to know each other and see (or experience) things, that you don’t like or which causes you to question and doubt if (s)he is the right person for you, then take it seriously.
What is inside of someone’s heart will come out of a person (eventually). Therefore it’s so important to spend a lot of time with each other. Talk to each other, but especially listen to each other.
When you are in love you will experience feelings. These feelings may become so strong, that you can’t think straight anymore. You experience things, that make you doubt if that person is the right one for you, but your feelings in the flesh are so strong, that you might think that things will change once you get married.
Things won’t change during your marriage
But things won’t change once you get married. Remember, that in the engagement period people present themselves at their best. So what you see is the best behavior of someone.
An apple tree can’t become a pear tree. And that applies also to people. Of course there will be some pruning within marriage, but the tree and the fruit will remain the same. Therefore, don’t be too hasty in making a decision, but be sure that the person is the right partner, that God has made for you.
You would be better off, to wait for two or three more years, than to make the wrong decision and meet the right person during your marriage.
When you are still single, don’t be dismayed, but wait for the right partner. Keep your eyes on Jesus and not on the absence of a partner. Don’t let the absence of a partner become your main focus and the center of your life, because if you do, you will be missing out on life and life will pass you by.
‘Be the salt of the earth’
